I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
