: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
