I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
