something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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