No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
