I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
