HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
