Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
