I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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