I'm going to jail i love you
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
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make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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