I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
