What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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