If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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