so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
