I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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