Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
