I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
