Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
