Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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