Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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