He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
