I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
