He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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