It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
