i think i have two assholes
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
