I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
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I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
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Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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