Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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