yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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