I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
