i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
