I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
