no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
