Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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