the new term for farting is butt boxing.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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