i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
