i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
