just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
