My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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