I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
