Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
