ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
