Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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