i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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