He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
