no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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