She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
