i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize