And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you traded sex for a burrito?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
