where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
