last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
