he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
