Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
