I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
