My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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