I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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