Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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