I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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