I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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