Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
