Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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