I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
