TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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