I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
