Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Drunk is not a location!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
