hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
