Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I think your dad took our porno
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
