I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
