I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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