I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
