just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
