i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
