If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I wear drunk well.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
