In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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