You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
