The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
